"The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes." - Amy Grant
Monday, August 15, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Changes
Wow! I didn't realize it has been so long since I blogged. I plan to be more regular on blogging this year. I really like looking back and seeing all that has happened. It's so easy to get distracted in life, which I talked about in my last blog and yes I got distracted. It's a process!! I forgive myself :)
About a month after my last blog, Mark's dad passed away. It was a very difficult time, one that I had never personally experienced. Everything happened so quickly. It was very weird to go through all of the things that your loved ones value. It was a very sad time and we still have our moments. It was our first Christmas without dad and that was different. I will always miss getting lottery tickets from him on Christmas. It's still weird when we go to Mark's sisters...I miss him. His smile, his sense of humor and the way he teases me. I'm glad that he is home and has no pain...but here on earth, he is missed.
Though we missed dad, we had a great Christmas! All of our kids were able to be here at the same time, which was so wonderful. I think this was the first Christmas this has happened. It was so relaxing and full of laughter. Over the last couple of years finances have been tight, but the blessing has been that we have focused more on just spending time together. Just being together is the best gift to me :)
After Christmas my youngest, Matt, moved to Illinois with his girlfriend Jasmine. This is one of those changes that is hard but good. He was able to get a job the following week and loves the snow. He is looking at going back to school which is great! In two months he will be a dad and I will be a nana! I'm excited to meet my grandson! He has always been so good with kids...he will be a good dad!
Mitch served in Afghanistan for 7 months last year and of course he loved it. He would have stayed longer if he could. He was able to be home for the holidays which was a sweet surprise for me. The time went by so quickly. He is back in Hawaii now and will be training and taking some classes. One of them is a course to be a Water Survival Instructor. He is due to go back to Afghanistan in December.
Life keeps changing and always will. And that's not a bad thing, we just have to keep adjusting as things happen. I like change! Change brings challenges and I like "some" good challenges. I admit there are times I don't welcome it but without change...things would always stay the same and who wants that! Though the last year of change had its moments of difficulty, I am proud of the woman I am becoming through some of the personal experiences that have happened this year. I am more confident and I know myself better. The Lord is always working on my heart and molding/shaping me and I am so excited to see all that He has in store for me. I am so grateful beyond words for some of the most amazing people He has placed in my life.
I'm looking forward to 2011. I believe it is going to be an AMAZING year! And I am so excited by the things that are happening already. I'm taking things one step at a time as I'm leaning into the Father to see what He has planned for me. I've already made some decisions that were difficult but good. It was one of those times that I had to let go of things that are good to open the door to things that are great! I can't even tell you how excited I am!
Life keeps changing, so embrace it...it's a good thing! Look forward to hearing what changes are happening in your life. So leave a post or send me an email if you'd like to share
About a month after my last blog, Mark's dad passed away. It was a very difficult time, one that I had never personally experienced. Everything happened so quickly. It was very weird to go through all of the things that your loved ones value. It was a very sad time and we still have our moments. It was our first Christmas without dad and that was different. I will always miss getting lottery tickets from him on Christmas. It's still weird when we go to Mark's sisters...I miss him. His smile, his sense of humor and the way he teases me. I'm glad that he is home and has no pain...but here on earth, he is missed.
Though we missed dad, we had a great Christmas! All of our kids were able to be here at the same time, which was so wonderful. I think this was the first Christmas this has happened. It was so relaxing and full of laughter. Over the last couple of years finances have been tight, but the blessing has been that we have focused more on just spending time together. Just being together is the best gift to me :)
After Christmas my youngest, Matt, moved to Illinois with his girlfriend Jasmine. This is one of those changes that is hard but good. He was able to get a job the following week and loves the snow. He is looking at going back to school which is great! In two months he will be a dad and I will be a nana! I'm excited to meet my grandson! He has always been so good with kids...he will be a good dad!
Mitch served in Afghanistan for 7 months last year and of course he loved it. He would have stayed longer if he could. He was able to be home for the holidays which was a sweet surprise for me. The time went by so quickly. He is back in Hawaii now and will be training and taking some classes. One of them is a course to be a Water Survival Instructor. He is due to go back to Afghanistan in December.
Life keeps changing and always will. And that's not a bad thing, we just have to keep adjusting as things happen. I like change! Change brings challenges and I like "some" good challenges. I admit there are times I don't welcome it but without change...things would always stay the same and who wants that! Though the last year of change had its moments of difficulty, I am proud of the woman I am becoming through some of the personal experiences that have happened this year. I am more confident and I know myself better. The Lord is always working on my heart and molding/shaping me and I am so excited to see all that He has in store for me. I am so grateful beyond words for some of the most amazing people He has placed in my life.
I'm looking forward to 2011. I believe it is going to be an AMAZING year! And I am so excited by the things that are happening already. I'm taking things one step at a time as I'm leaning into the Father to see what He has planned for me. I've already made some decisions that were difficult but good. It was one of those times that I had to let go of things that are good to open the door to things that are great! I can't even tell you how excited I am!
Life keeps changing, so embrace it...it's a good thing! Look forward to hearing what changes are happening in your life. So leave a post or send me an email if you'd like to share
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Priorities
Have you ever gotten your priorities out of whack? I sure have! And I can testify that getting your priorities out of out of order leads to....burn out! I was tired all the time, working too much, taking on too many responsibilities (saying yes to things and then wishing that I hadn't), was irritable, feeling like I was fighting depression and that's just to name a few.
It is amazing how quickly your life can get so out of control when you don't have your priorities in order. It recently happened to me. I had been so good about spending quiet time with God even if it was only a few minutes, it was always part of my day. And in just a few short weeks, I let that time be cut of of my day, one day at a time until I felt so lost, tired and burnt out.
What are you putting before God? Your spouse, your children, your friends, or your job? Or could it be reading, TV, Facebook/social networking? If your calendar is full of so many activities and no time with God...your priorities my be out of line. Just as you look at your checkbook to see where your money is going and what you are "worshipping", take a look at your calendar so see...What does it say about your priorities?
It is amazing how quickly your life can get so out of control when you don't have your priorities in order. It recently happened to me. I had been so good about spending quiet time with God even if it was only a few minutes, it was always part of my day. And in just a few short weeks, I let that time be cut of of my day, one day at a time until I felt so lost, tired and burnt out.
What are you putting before God? Your spouse, your children, your friends, or your job? Or could it be reading, TV, Facebook/social networking? If your calendar is full of so many activities and no time with God...your priorities my be out of line. Just as you look at your checkbook to see where your money is going and what you are "worshipping", take a look at your calendar so see...What does it say about your priorities?
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Letting Go
One of the hardest things that I’ve had to do in life is to let my children go and grow! It just feels like my heart is aching and I feel a little lost as to what to do…so I continue to talk to my Father and ask Him for strength, guidance and protection for both of my boys. And to take away my anxiety/fear/guilt about how I am feeling. I know my fears are just....
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real
Fear does nothing more than hold you back, so I’m struggling today with not letting it hold me back. I have to keep changing my thought pattern…sometimes it feels like every few minutes but I’m not going to let this false evidence keep me from the day that the Lord has for me and the positive influence that I need to be for them.
Today my oldest, Mitch, is being deployed to Afghanistan. While I know that there has been no “activity” there for over a year, that they are just maintaining a presence over there, I still worry. I surrendered Mitch being a Marine years ago to the Lord and know that when it’s his time, it’s his time no matter where he is. And here I thought I was “dealing” with him going to Afghanistan so well…until last night…when I felt like I was hit with a Mac truck. Yes, I worry about his safety and want the Lord to protect him and that he would not have to face situation that may be emotionally traumatizing. What I think hit me most is the fact that I’m not going to be able to pick up the phone and call him, get his text messages at random times of day and night, or see his crazy post on Facebook. I found myself sitting in the quietness of the house crying. I’m so proud of the man he is becoming! He’s such an amazing person…he’s smart, polite and super funny/crazy and he knows it too! He makes me laugh all the time…I’m going to miss that over the next few months. I’m looking forward to sending and receiving mail again though…reminds me of when he was in boot camp. I pray for protection over him and that he will be a light in the darkness, that he would stand tall and be a man of integrity. That he will make quiet time with the Father a priority and be obedient to his calling the Lord has placed on his life.
Along with Mitch being deployed, I’m faced with watching my youngest, Matt, struggle through life and endure some really hard times. He is 19 and he and his girlfriend are expecting a baby at the end of November. He doesn’t have a job, he has been moving from place to place and is feeling really lost. Due to circumstances over the last few years, I am not at a point where he can come and stay with us. Watching him go through this and not be able to do anything about his situation is extremely agonizing! I want to help him sooo bad, but I understand that at this point helping him means allowing him to deal with the outcome of his choices. I have had to learn the hard way to allow him to make his choices even when I know those choices will lead to consequences that will be hard to deal with. And let me tell you it is so hard watching him deal with those consequences. He’s in a period of his life that he is facing sooo many difficult things in his life and all I can do is listen. I want to find solutions, I want to tell him he can come and stay with us, I want to find the Dr., the job, the this, the that…but I can’t! Watching him go through this so unbelievably difficult. He has to experience life on his terms…I read someone say once that, “experience is not always the best teacher only the most painful”. I wish that children would understand that we only give them advice so they don’t have to make the same mistakes we did and experience the pain of those mistakes. Matthew has the biggest heart that I have ever seen. He is so fun and loving and he is totally amazing with children. I pray that this next season that he is faces would be a time that he will turn back to the Lord and hear what He has planned for him. I pray that the Lord would surround him with new friends that will be supportive and encouraging, that he would find a church and get plugged in, that God would provide him with a good job so that he can provide for his family. I pray that he will seek God for answers and know that God has the best plans for him.
I know that God has great plans for both of my boys and I need to focus on the ways that I can make a positive influence as I watch them grow into the men God is shaping them into.
So what are those positive things I can do as a mom?
Pray for them daily!
Love unconditionally.
Have good boundaries.
Let them know I am here for them to just listen.
Allow them to make their choices and solve their own problems.
Be aware of when to offer advice and when to wait for them to solicit advice.
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real
Fear does nothing more than hold you back, so I’m struggling today with not letting it hold me back. I have to keep changing my thought pattern…sometimes it feels like every few minutes but I’m not going to let this false evidence keep me from the day that the Lord has for me and the positive influence that I need to be for them.
Today my oldest, Mitch, is being deployed to Afghanistan. While I know that there has been no “activity” there for over a year, that they are just maintaining a presence over there, I still worry. I surrendered Mitch being a Marine years ago to the Lord and know that when it’s his time, it’s his time no matter where he is. And here I thought I was “dealing” with him going to Afghanistan so well…until last night…when I felt like I was hit with a Mac truck. Yes, I worry about his safety and want the Lord to protect him and that he would not have to face situation that may be emotionally traumatizing. What I think hit me most is the fact that I’m not going to be able to pick up the phone and call him, get his text messages at random times of day and night, or see his crazy post on Facebook. I found myself sitting in the quietness of the house crying. I’m so proud of the man he is becoming! He’s such an amazing person…he’s smart, polite and super funny/crazy and he knows it too! He makes me laugh all the time…I’m going to miss that over the next few months. I’m looking forward to sending and receiving mail again though…reminds me of when he was in boot camp. I pray for protection over him and that he will be a light in the darkness, that he would stand tall and be a man of integrity. That he will make quiet time with the Father a priority and be obedient to his calling the Lord has placed on his life.
Along with Mitch being deployed, I’m faced with watching my youngest, Matt, struggle through life and endure some really hard times. He is 19 and he and his girlfriend are expecting a baby at the end of November. He doesn’t have a job, he has been moving from place to place and is feeling really lost. Due to circumstances over the last few years, I am not at a point where he can come and stay with us. Watching him go through this and not be able to do anything about his situation is extremely agonizing! I want to help him sooo bad, but I understand that at this point helping him means allowing him to deal with the outcome of his choices. I have had to learn the hard way to allow him to make his choices even when I know those choices will lead to consequences that will be hard to deal with. And let me tell you it is so hard watching him deal with those consequences. He’s in a period of his life that he is facing sooo many difficult things in his life and all I can do is listen. I want to find solutions, I want to tell him he can come and stay with us, I want to find the Dr., the job, the this, the that…but I can’t! Watching him go through this so unbelievably difficult. He has to experience life on his terms…I read someone say once that, “experience is not always the best teacher only the most painful”. I wish that children would understand that we only give them advice so they don’t have to make the same mistakes we did and experience the pain of those mistakes. Matthew has the biggest heart that I have ever seen. He is so fun and loving and he is totally amazing with children. I pray that this next season that he is faces would be a time that he will turn back to the Lord and hear what He has planned for him. I pray that the Lord would surround him with new friends that will be supportive and encouraging, that he would find a church and get plugged in, that God would provide him with a good job so that he can provide for his family. I pray that he will seek God for answers and know that God has the best plans for him.
I know that God has great plans for both of my boys and I need to focus on the ways that I can make a positive influence as I watch them grow into the men God is shaping them into.
So what are those positive things I can do as a mom?
Pray for them daily!
Love unconditionally.
Have good boundaries.
Let them know I am here for them to just listen.
Allow them to make their choices and solve their own problems.
Be aware of when to offer advice and when to wait for them to solicit advice.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Welcome to my Blog
Thank you for visiting my blog. Looks like the time is here for me to start blogging regularly :) I started my blog last year and as you can tell I didn't stick with it too long. I'm excited to start blogging again and sharing my experiences and life with you. I hope to hear from you and how you are doing on your journey.
Stay tuned...new post coming soon :)
Stay tuned...new post coming soon :)
Monday, January 19, 2009
Five Cheers for Mom
"What does motherhood require? Transparent, tenderness, authentic sprituality, inner confidence, unselfish love, and self-control. Quite a list, isn't it? Almost more than we should expect." Yes, it is quite a list and so hard to be all those things at once. I'm telling myself before I start judging myself that I have been the best mom I could be and I do believe that. And if I didn't...I know a couple people who would be right there to tell me I've done a good job! I'm thankful for those friends who have encouraged me on this hard journey. It is still so hard! I'm learning to let go...I wish...hmmm...I wish I was in control. My mind is blank, yet overloaded....just too much.
"Carefully kept mothers dont' have secure kids. Carefully kept, untouchable 'velveteen mothers' turn out fragile, selfish, untouchable children. But unselfish, giving, secure moms somehow manage to deposit healthy, wholesome kids into our lonely, fightened society." I think I managed to make a few healthy deposits!
"Carefully kept mothers dont' have secure kids. Carefully kept, untouchable 'velveteen mothers' turn out fragile, selfish, untouchable children. But unselfish, giving, secure moms somehow manage to deposit healthy, wholesome kids into our lonely, fightened society." I think I managed to make a few healthy deposits!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
God's Plan for Hope
For I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Wow! I so remember reading this devotion. I was sitting outside where Matthew was completing his Operation Right Track. I read quite a few of these devotions while I was waiting. I remember reading this one thinking...what could God possibly be doing through the whole situation with Matthew. I'm sure at this point we had been into this (drugs, courts, rehab, police, fighting, checking his room, drug testing, items missing and the list goes on) for about 3 years. I really didn't think I could take anymore. Though the situation got A LOT worse, thankfully, God gave me the strength and guidance to get through.
"He sees. He cares. He is aware. And best of all, He is touched by it." Lord knows, that at this point I was so busy trying to control everything and what was I going to do next that I never stopped and let God touch my heart. I always knew that He had a plan and was at work...but I think I kept getting in His way. I am sure that we are still where we are suppose to be but I also think that I took the long way.
"The enemy of souls wants you to think differently. God doesn't care. He's left you in this mess for so many months. How unfair!" Ha! Months...try years. I didn't know why God wouldn't allow this mess to be over with. I remember reminding myself over the years that, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle". That was my saving grace and daily reminder....until I heard someone say, "God will give you more than you can handle so you will turn to Him, because if we could handle it, we wouldn't turn to Him" And finally after many months which turned into years of turmoil with our household, I finally learned to "Let Go, Let God!" It was not easy and I shed a lot of tears and at the point that I read this devotion that night in the parking lot, I had no idea what God's plan was and I still don't but I do know that I finally have a better view of what might be. Matt gets out of his program in 18 days. He sounds great and will be moving in with my brother who is also giving him a job. I certainly never imagined that things would have worked out the way they are. I spent too much time feeling anxious over things I never had any control of (and still do at times...just not as much). I know Matt has a long way to go and grow but it is his journey and right now...my job is to step back and let him make his choices!
God has a plan and is working out the details and I don't get a map and I'm learning to following His plan one step at a time. All I can do is keep practicing!
Wow! I so remember reading this devotion. I was sitting outside where Matthew was completing his Operation Right Track. I read quite a few of these devotions while I was waiting. I remember reading this one thinking...what could God possibly be doing through the whole situation with Matthew. I'm sure at this point we had been into this (drugs, courts, rehab, police, fighting, checking his room, drug testing, items missing and the list goes on) for about 3 years. I really didn't think I could take anymore. Though the situation got A LOT worse, thankfully, God gave me the strength and guidance to get through.
"He sees. He cares. He is aware. And best of all, He is touched by it." Lord knows, that at this point I was so busy trying to control everything and what was I going to do next that I never stopped and let God touch my heart. I always knew that He had a plan and was at work...but I think I kept getting in His way. I am sure that we are still where we are suppose to be but I also think that I took the long way.
"The enemy of souls wants you to think differently. God doesn't care. He's left you in this mess for so many months. How unfair!" Ha! Months...try years. I didn't know why God wouldn't allow this mess to be over with. I remember reminding myself over the years that, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle". That was my saving grace and daily reminder....until I heard someone say, "God will give you more than you can handle so you will turn to Him, because if we could handle it, we wouldn't turn to Him" And finally after many months which turned into years of turmoil with our household, I finally learned to "Let Go, Let God!" It was not easy and I shed a lot of tears and at the point that I read this devotion that night in the parking lot, I had no idea what God's plan was and I still don't but I do know that I finally have a better view of what might be. Matt gets out of his program in 18 days. He sounds great and will be moving in with my brother who is also giving him a job. I certainly never imagined that things would have worked out the way they are. I spent too much time feeling anxious over things I never had any control of (and still do at times...just not as much). I know Matt has a long way to go and grow but it is his journey and right now...my job is to step back and let him make his choices!
God has a plan and is working out the details and I don't get a map and I'm learning to following His plan one step at a time. All I can do is keep practicing!
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