One of the hardest things that I’ve had to do in life is to let my children go and grow! It just feels like my heart is aching and I feel a little lost as to what to do…so I continue to talk to my Father and ask Him for strength, guidance and protection for both of my boys. And to take away my anxiety/fear/guilt about how I am feeling. I know my fears are just....
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real
Fear does nothing more than hold you back, so I’m struggling today with not letting it hold me back. I have to keep changing my thought pattern…sometimes it feels like every few minutes but I’m not going to let this false evidence keep me from the day that the Lord has for me and the positive influence that I need to be for them.
Today my oldest, Mitch, is being deployed to Afghanistan. While I know that there has been no “activity” there for over a year, that they are just maintaining a presence over there, I still worry. I surrendered Mitch being a Marine years ago to the Lord and know that when it’s his time, it’s his time no matter where he is. And here I thought I was “dealing” with him going to Afghanistan so well…until last night…when I felt like I was hit with a Mac truck. Yes, I worry about his safety and want the Lord to protect him and that he would not have to face situation that may be emotionally traumatizing. What I think hit me most is the fact that I’m not going to be able to pick up the phone and call him, get his text messages at random times of day and night, or see his crazy post on Facebook. I found myself sitting in the quietness of the house crying. I’m so proud of the man he is becoming! He’s such an amazing person…he’s smart, polite and super funny/crazy and he knows it too! He makes me laugh all the time…I’m going to miss that over the next few months. I’m looking forward to sending and receiving mail again though…reminds me of when he was in boot camp. I pray for protection over him and that he will be a light in the darkness, that he would stand tall and be a man of integrity. That he will make quiet time with the Father a priority and be obedient to his calling the Lord has placed on his life.
Along with Mitch being deployed, I’m faced with watching my youngest, Matt, struggle through life and endure some really hard times. He is 19 and he and his girlfriend are expecting a baby at the end of November. He doesn’t have a job, he has been moving from place to place and is feeling really lost. Due to circumstances over the last few years, I am not at a point where he can come and stay with us. Watching him go through this and not be able to do anything about his situation is extremely agonizing! I want to help him sooo bad, but I understand that at this point helping him means allowing him to deal with the outcome of his choices. I have had to learn the hard way to allow him to make his choices even when I know those choices will lead to consequences that will be hard to deal with. And let me tell you it is so hard watching him deal with those consequences. He’s in a period of his life that he is facing sooo many difficult things in his life and all I can do is listen. I want to find solutions, I want to tell him he can come and stay with us, I want to find the Dr., the job, the this, the that…but I can’t! Watching him go through this so unbelievably difficult. He has to experience life on his terms…I read someone say once that, “experience is not always the best teacher only the most painful”. I wish that children would understand that we only give them advice so they don’t have to make the same mistakes we did and experience the pain of those mistakes. Matthew has the biggest heart that I have ever seen. He is so fun and loving and he is totally amazing with children. I pray that this next season that he is faces would be a time that he will turn back to the Lord and hear what He has planned for him. I pray that the Lord would surround him with new friends that will be supportive and encouraging, that he would find a church and get plugged in, that God would provide him with a good job so that he can provide for his family. I pray that he will seek God for answers and know that God has the best plans for him.
I know that God has great plans for both of my boys and I need to focus on the ways that I can make a positive influence as I watch them grow into the men God is shaping them into.
So what are those positive things I can do as a mom?
Pray for them daily!
Love unconditionally.
Have good boundaries.
Let them know I am here for them to just listen.
Allow them to make their choices and solve their own problems.
Be aware of when to offer advice and when to wait for them to solicit advice.
