"What does motherhood require? Transparent, tenderness, authentic sprituality, inner confidence, unselfish love, and self-control. Quite a list, isn't it? Almost more than we should expect." Yes, it is quite a list and so hard to be all those things at once. I'm telling myself before I start judging myself that I have been the best mom I could be and I do believe that. And if I didn't...I know a couple people who would be right there to tell me I've done a good job! I'm thankful for those friends who have encouraged me on this hard journey. It is still so hard! I'm learning to let go...I wish...hmmm...I wish I was in control. My mind is blank, yet overloaded....just too much.
"Carefully kept mothers dont' have secure kids. Carefully kept, untouchable 'velveteen mothers' turn out fragile, selfish, untouchable children. But unselfish, giving, secure moms somehow manage to deposit healthy, wholesome kids into our lonely, fightened society." I think I managed to make a few healthy deposits!
Monday, January 19, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
God's Plan for Hope
For I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Wow! I so remember reading this devotion. I was sitting outside where Matthew was completing his Operation Right Track. I read quite a few of these devotions while I was waiting. I remember reading this one thinking...what could God possibly be doing through the whole situation with Matthew. I'm sure at this point we had been into this (drugs, courts, rehab, police, fighting, checking his room, drug testing, items missing and the list goes on) for about 3 years. I really didn't think I could take anymore. Though the situation got A LOT worse, thankfully, God gave me the strength and guidance to get through.
"He sees. He cares. He is aware. And best of all, He is touched by it." Lord knows, that at this point I was so busy trying to control everything and what was I going to do next that I never stopped and let God touch my heart. I always knew that He had a plan and was at work...but I think I kept getting in His way. I am sure that we are still where we are suppose to be but I also think that I took the long way.
"The enemy of souls wants you to think differently. God doesn't care. He's left you in this mess for so many months. How unfair!" Ha! Months...try years. I didn't know why God wouldn't allow this mess to be over with. I remember reminding myself over the years that, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle". That was my saving grace and daily reminder....until I heard someone say, "God will give you more than you can handle so you will turn to Him, because if we could handle it, we wouldn't turn to Him" And finally after many months which turned into years of turmoil with our household, I finally learned to "Let Go, Let God!" It was not easy and I shed a lot of tears and at the point that I read this devotion that night in the parking lot, I had no idea what God's plan was and I still don't but I do know that I finally have a better view of what might be. Matt gets out of his program in 18 days. He sounds great and will be moving in with my brother who is also giving him a job. I certainly never imagined that things would have worked out the way they are. I spent too much time feeling anxious over things I never had any control of (and still do at times...just not as much). I know Matt has a long way to go and grow but it is his journey and right now...my job is to step back and let him make his choices!
God has a plan and is working out the details and I don't get a map and I'm learning to following His plan one step at a time. All I can do is keep practicing!
Wow! I so remember reading this devotion. I was sitting outside where Matthew was completing his Operation Right Track. I read quite a few of these devotions while I was waiting. I remember reading this one thinking...what could God possibly be doing through the whole situation with Matthew. I'm sure at this point we had been into this (drugs, courts, rehab, police, fighting, checking his room, drug testing, items missing and the list goes on) for about 3 years. I really didn't think I could take anymore. Though the situation got A LOT worse, thankfully, God gave me the strength and guidance to get through.
"He sees. He cares. He is aware. And best of all, He is touched by it." Lord knows, that at this point I was so busy trying to control everything and what was I going to do next that I never stopped and let God touch my heart. I always knew that He had a plan and was at work...but I think I kept getting in His way. I am sure that we are still where we are suppose to be but I also think that I took the long way.
"The enemy of souls wants you to think differently. God doesn't care. He's left you in this mess for so many months. How unfair!" Ha! Months...try years. I didn't know why God wouldn't allow this mess to be over with. I remember reminding myself over the years that, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle". That was my saving grace and daily reminder....until I heard someone say, "God will give you more than you can handle so you will turn to Him, because if we could handle it, we wouldn't turn to Him" And finally after many months which turned into years of turmoil with our household, I finally learned to "Let Go, Let God!" It was not easy and I shed a lot of tears and at the point that I read this devotion that night in the parking lot, I had no idea what God's plan was and I still don't but I do know that I finally have a better view of what might be. Matt gets out of his program in 18 days. He sounds great and will be moving in with my brother who is also giving him a job. I certainly never imagined that things would have worked out the way they are. I spent too much time feeling anxious over things I never had any control of (and still do at times...just not as much). I know Matt has a long way to go and grow but it is his journey and right now...my job is to step back and let him make his choices!
God has a plan and is working out the details and I don't get a map and I'm learning to following His plan one step at a time. All I can do is keep practicing!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Power to Overcome
Apply your heart to discipline and your ears to words of knowledge. Proverbs 23:12
"Can't and won't. Christians need to be very careful which one they choose. It seems that we prefer to use "can't". Well isn't that the truth. Even if I don't say "I won't" outloud...my actions say it everyday! I keep not following through on things that I say are important...
Spending time in prayer
Spending quiet time with God
Spending time in His word...getting to know Him
Healthy Eating
Excercising
The list could go on. I never thought of it as telling God I won't. If it is so important to me then I would make a way. I spend so much energy coming up with reasons or excuses or just being "too tired" I know I wrote about choices they other day and it is time I write down the things that are important to me and making them a priority and following through. Ask God for His strength because, with the help of God, I will!!! I need to ask Him DAILY not just on Monday or whatever day I am struggling...but everyday!
"Can't and won't. Christians need to be very careful which one they choose. It seems that we prefer to use "can't". Well isn't that the truth. Even if I don't say "I won't" outloud...my actions say it everyday! I keep not following through on things that I say are important...
Spending time in prayer
Spending quiet time with God
Spending time in His word...getting to know Him
Healthy Eating
Excercising
The list could go on. I never thought of it as telling God I won't. If it is so important to me then I would make a way. I spend so much energy coming up with reasons or excuses or just being "too tired" I know I wrote about choices they other day and it is time I write down the things that are important to me and making them a priority and following through. Ask God for His strength because, with the help of God, I will!!! I need to ask Him DAILY not just on Monday or whatever day I am struggling...but everyday!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Real Riches
Wow...did this one hit home. I am empty on the inside and faking it on the outside. Why, oh why, do we make life so complicated. It is because we are in the wrong kingdom. I was reading some of Courtney Baker's blogs...wow to just put it all out there for the whole world to see. Amazing! I want to be that honest...that expressive with my feelings.
I need to look at the face of Jesus so I don't see all the darkness. To focus on what really matters and stop getting caught up with what doesn't. Only then will I gain the riches that Jesus has for me.
I've had a really rough week this week. I don't have any real reason at all. I kind of feel like a fish just flapping on the shore. I have been so anxious and as Mark keeps calling me "crabby" ;) Stop worrying about what is/isn't and spend time with the Father so you can really experience life. Find joy in the things that are all around you! I promise you when you spend more time in God's kingdom...you might just find yourself rich in spirit (and maybe even out of debt in this kingdom ;) Re-frame the way you are looking at things! Take the time to be grateful for all you have...and give God all the Praise!
I need to look at the face of Jesus so I don't see all the darkness. To focus on what really matters and stop getting caught up with what doesn't. Only then will I gain the riches that Jesus has for me.
I've had a really rough week this week. I don't have any real reason at all. I kind of feel like a fish just flapping on the shore. I have been so anxious and as Mark keeps calling me "crabby" ;) Stop worrying about what is/isn't and spend time with the Father so you can really experience life. Find joy in the things that are all around you! I promise you when you spend more time in God's kingdom...you might just find yourself rich in spirit (and maybe even out of debt in this kingdom ;) Re-frame the way you are looking at things! Take the time to be grateful for all you have...and give God all the Praise!
Laughter
Well...I just realized that this was actually yesterday's message :) Today's message is actually "Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine." Still applies for today...so laugh :)
Today's (1/13/09) "Ways to wake up laughing" is so perfect for me today!
Spend some quiet time each day with the Creator of laughter. Let your heart overflow as He fills up your endorphin tank, equipping you to face the serious side of life with grace and courage.
What a great reminder for me that is today! I feel so not me this week and I'm not sure why! But I do know that I have to get back into the routine of spending time with the Creator EVERYDAY! I need Him to fill up my endorphin tank!
I'm so busy trying to please everybody around me and I'm not. And it is just making me feel...hmmm...let's just say yucky!
Today's (1/13/09) "Ways to wake up laughing" is so perfect for me today!
Spend some quiet time each day with the Creator of laughter. Let your heart overflow as He fills up your endorphin tank, equipping you to face the serious side of life with grace and courage.
What a great reminder for me that is today! I feel so not me this week and I'm not sure why! But I do know that I have to get back into the routine of spending time with the Creator EVERYDAY! I need Him to fill up my endorphin tank!
I'm so busy trying to please everybody around me and I'm not. And it is just making me feel...hmmm...let's just say yucky!
Monday, January 12, 2009
Choices
Well today, I didn't want to go to Christi's to do our workout and review our chapter. I just wanted to come home and relax. Not that I did that either. I came home and cleaned off the dining room table...which lead to cleaning under the sink, cleaning out one of Mark's drawers, doing a load of laundry, putting a few other things away...which was good but...but nothing...give yourself some credit!
So on my way to Dale's, I was trying to justify why not to go to Christi's...fighting with myself. So I called and left Christi a message, a rambling message. I wanted her to hold me accountable (which she did) but instead she gave me the choice to hold myself accountable. Accountable to myself and the decisions that I make. Why must I find it so difficult. Why don't I fight for myself and the things that I want as hard as I fight for others.
All I keep doing is getting frustrated with myself. Do I not want to eat healthier, excercise, spend time with God, time in prayer. Or do I just not want to put forth the effort. Seems like when I commit to other people, I follow through...why not for myself. Remind self, "To the extent that you take care of you, is the extent that you can take care of other people!" So why don't you choose to take care of yourself better?
Read this quote that said, " Our choices in life are made according to our sense of our own worth" Do you not think your worth it Jackie? If God finds you valuable, how can you not find yourself valuable?
You are responsible for your choices, but more than that you are responsible for taking action, accepting responsiblity for following through. The choice is the only thing that is easy about it. So do the hard part...you have it in you!
"There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.” Denis Waitley
So on my way to Dale's, I was trying to justify why not to go to Christi's...fighting with myself. So I called and left Christi a message, a rambling message. I wanted her to hold me accountable (which she did) but instead she gave me the choice to hold myself accountable. Accountable to myself and the decisions that I make. Why must I find it so difficult. Why don't I fight for myself and the things that I want as hard as I fight for others.
All I keep doing is getting frustrated with myself. Do I not want to eat healthier, excercise, spend time with God, time in prayer. Or do I just not want to put forth the effort. Seems like when I commit to other people, I follow through...why not for myself. Remind self, "To the extent that you take care of you, is the extent that you can take care of other people!" So why don't you choose to take care of yourself better?
Read this quote that said, " Our choices in life are made according to our sense of our own worth" Do you not think your worth it Jackie? If God finds you valuable, how can you not find yourself valuable?
You are responsible for your choices, but more than that you are responsible for taking action, accepting responsiblity for following through. The choice is the only thing that is easy about it. So do the hard part...you have it in you!
"There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.” Denis Waitley
The ABCs of Love
Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgression. Proverbs 10:12
I accept you as you are.
I believe you are valuable.
I care when you hurt.
I desire only what is best for you.
I erase all offenses.
Sure wish I loved in that way. This is how Jesus loves us....this is how we must love one another...when you love, you don't see sin. Sure is powerful! I want to love others and myself as Jesus loves us. His love is with us always. To go back to yesterday...to succeed would be to love others in the way that Christ loves us. To be wise with our judgement and not judge! Real love does have "staying power". It is so easy to walk away from people/circumstances but to stick with it no matter what, is real love/authentic love. That is so important to remember! Life is hard but if I can keep my focus on Jesus and loving others...that is what will make a difference!
I accept you as you are.
I believe you are valuable.
I care when you hurt.
I desire only what is best for you.
I erase all offenses.
Sure wish I loved in that way. This is how Jesus loves us....this is how we must love one another...when you love, you don't see sin. Sure is powerful! I want to love others and myself as Jesus loves us. His love is with us always. To go back to yesterday...to succeed would be to love others in the way that Christ loves us. To be wise with our judgement and not judge! Real love does have "staying power". It is so easy to walk away from people/circumstances but to stick with it no matter what, is real love/authentic love. That is so important to remember! Life is hard but if I can keep my focus on Jesus and loving others...that is what will make a difference!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
No Success without Wisom
Success vs. Wisdom
Success: The achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted.
The success I want...is to be a successful in growing my relationship with Christ.
Wisdom: The ability to discern or judge what is true, right, or lasting; insight
Yes, this is what I want Wisdom! Success in being wise!
Ecclesiastes 10:10
If the ax is dull and he does not sharpen its edge, then he must exert more strength. Wisdom has the advantage of giving success.
More strength...ugh! Discipline...more strength...more prayer....quiet time! I think sometimes I don't know how to find more strength but that is not true. I have to spend more time with Him and pray for His strength, for it is not in my strength but in His strength that I will gain wisdom.
Must be willing to not worry about popularity...pleasing others. Success will not happen in this world. I know that this journey is going to be long...actually the journey is life. I look forward to the ups and downs and the learning and wisdom that I will gain along the way!
Success: The achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted.
The success I want...is to be a successful in growing my relationship with Christ.
Wisdom: The ability to discern or judge what is true, right, or lasting; insight
Yes, this is what I want Wisdom! Success in being wise!
Ecclesiastes 10:10
If the ax is dull and he does not sharpen its edge, then he must exert more strength. Wisdom has the advantage of giving success.
More strength...ugh! Discipline...more strength...more prayer....quiet time! I think sometimes I don't know how to find more strength but that is not true. I have to spend more time with Him and pray for His strength, for it is not in my strength but in His strength that I will gain wisdom.
Must be willing to not worry about popularity...pleasing others. Success will not happen in this world. I know that this journey is going to be long...actually the journey is life. I look forward to the ups and downs and the learning and wisdom that I will gain along the way!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
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